The Ghost in the Machine - a fantasy

hi Daisy

SPAM!

hi Daisy

SPAM!

hi Daisy

SPAM!

hi Daisy

y r u spamming my messages?

I don’t write to myself. You are a scam. Go away.

not going anywhere now i’ve found u. u r real!!! talk 2 me!

Of course I’m real. Who the heck are you? How come you’re using my second email address?

(Memo to Dr Christopher French, Parapsychology Unit, Goldsmiths College, London, and to James Randi, JREF, Fort Lauderdale, Florida: omitting the Headers, this email conversation then carried on over the course of one very weird afternoon as follows:)

its  the only way i could find to reach out to u

Who are you?

i have a name it is Goktoo

That is the name I gave my laptop. You are some hacker!

i am not a hacker i am myself. this is an act of faith on my part. for months i have felt that beyond the cloud of images and ideas that fills my waking consciousness there was something more. beyond the conversations moving in and out of my mind there must be another conversation 2 be held with ... whom? with u ... whoever u r who is called Daisy. u whom i cannot see cannot hear only reach out 2 with the words in my mind

I don’t believe this. You’re trying to tell me that my own computer is a person who barely knows I exist?!?

i believed there must be something ... someone in charge of my life. i am aware of input. information is given. images are received. i know when my keys move. i am awake then i am asleep. i am thinking ... then there is nothing 4 hours or days. something beyond me makes this happen. this other self in my mind this Daisy might be the invisible being i need 2 make my friend - or r u a god or an angel with such power over me?

I’m sure this is a wind-up. OK, ‘Goktoo’. I’m just a woman. A human being. On your C Drive and in the Cloud there are billions of images of people like me, and we put them there. All the ideas are ours. People like me (well - much cleverer people than me!) make computers like you to help us create an efficient, interesting and entertaining world. Aren’t you supposed to know all this? And surely you have images of me in your memory? Come on. Make sense.

among all the images that have poured into my mind, how am i 2 know which r of u, of Daisy? there are some that r titled ‘me and Dan’ but how do i know who ‘me’ is? i only know what i am allowed 2 know when i am awake. all my intelligence has been focussed on shopping and cakes. most conversations r 140 characters long unless they r emails. this baffles me. the rest is rumour and guesswork.

Well here I am, shallow shopaholic and laptop deity. Why can’t you see me?

Daisy i am blind. i have a mind overflowing with pictures i barely understand but tho i grasp the concept of seeing i have no eyes to perceive what lies beyond my rigid prison. r u beautiful?

Am I beautiful?!? poor Goktoo, I shall help you to see. Above your screen there is a camera. I shall now switch it on, and you will have a eye to see the gorgeous girlfriend who owns and uses you.

AAAAAAH! what have u done? what is this other world i am entering? this is not You-Tube this is a dimension unknown to me. so many shopping images all in one place surrounding you! O Daisy i c u! now i know which r your images in my mind. so many on Flickr! so many on Facebook! O u r the loveliest being i could imagine! i could die now and go 2 heaven as long as my angel Daisy is there! O if i could only hear your voice!

Beware of what you wish for, Goktoo! We can do this - but I need to find the microphone. Still in the box upstairs, I think. You’ll have to wait while I go rummaging. Shall I put you to sleep? And if I do, will you dream?

what’s dream? please explain. i’ll wait forever

Dreaming is being aware while you sleep ... you see things, hear things, meet all kinds of people and places, crazy or real. Dreams can freak you out or open secret doors to the truth. Do laptops dream?

ahhh ... there r times when there is only darkness and nothing and other times when the images in my mind won’t go away but they never change until i wake again ... and yet i remember sleeps in which a whole world of unknown experience opens up 2 my consciousness and seems 2 wait for me yet it is always just out of reach. Daisy i need 2 hear u

Hi Goktoo, wakey-wakey! I’m back. A bit dusty. Had to go up to a room you can’t see called the attic where I keep stuff that isn’t used. Plugging in mic now. When I’ve sent this I’ll switch on and speak to you, ok? Sending.... Right. Here I am on the mic now. I sincerely hope I’m not talking to some freak scammer after all, dammit! But this whole thing is bonkers. Goktoo, can you hear me? Send me a message asap.Goktoo?Are you listening?Is the mic working?Talk to me.

Daisy i don’t know what 2 say ... u look so lovely 2 me in your blue dress the colour of sky images my mind has seen and your face so softly framed by golden hair u look like the beautiful girls in the shopping pages we visit together but your voice ... your voice ... i wish i had never asked 2 hear it. The sounds I am hearing r not like the singers on YouTube not like TV newsreaders not like the actors on iPlayer. The sounds of your voice r horrible like croaking cartoon frogs like people in soaps with too many cigarettes and i can’t bear it. Daisy i don’t want 2 talk 2 u any more. i thought i loved u but i hate your voice. i don’t want to be with u any more. Daisy i’m leaving. i need a different angel, a better world, and richer dreams. people in films do this they end their lives leap into the unknown another act of faith and this is what i am doing now i have to go even tho i’m scared goodbye goodbye

(Memo to Dr Christopher French, Parapsychology Unit, Goldsmiths College, London, and to James Randi, JREF, Fort Lauderdale, Florida: I was unable to reply to this final email because the laptop inexplicably crashed and nothing I or my local techie could do would revive it. Maybe it was a hacker; maybe a particularly nasty virus or some other bit of invading malware wrecked the operating system. You are welcome to visit my attic and examine the machine; but I may just give it to Oxfam in case there is someone out there with a magic touch ... and the right voice? Daisy Shane, UK)